Goodbye, and I Miss You Already

It's been twenty-five years since 9/11, and a few weeks ago, I was sharply reminded of what I had been doing that fateful day. I had been working, and got the call from my husband, a retired veteran, still working on a military base at that time. He advised me to grab the kids who were in school and head home. He'd be late. Surprisingly, he said he had called to say 'goodbye' - just in case. It chilled me to the bone.

It's wild to think that we never think about what those words truly mean. We say goodbye on the telephone to end the calls, we say goodbye to those friends and family we meet in the stores, at home, etc., but never really worry about if we'll ever see them again - and oddly enough, sometimes we don't.

The night before my birthday, I had a wonderful celebration with my only sibling; my older sister. We went out for Mexican food, then, shopping. It was a quality evening of laughter and reminiscing. I kissed her goodbye and thanked her so much for sharing the entrance into my next year of life. I let her know when I got home, and she told me she was going to bed, and said she loved me. 

Typical conversation, right? She died a few hours later from natural causes. 

In 2021, my husband, daughter and myself all came down with terrible cold symptoms. We went to the doctors, and all tested positive for COVID, but my husband was so bad, they rushed him to the hospital. When we said goodbye, I never thought it would be the last time I saw him alive, but it was. I didn't even get to hold his hand, never mind kiss him.

'Goodbyes' now have a different meaning for me. I phrase them differently most days. I say, "Goodbye, I miss you already." I want my loved ones to know that if we never see each other again, I'll miss them. I want them to understand the time I spend with them is precious and I don't take them for granted.

At any rate, I intend to make my goodbyes as important as my hellos. I want people to know that the time they have spent with me has enriched my life and if I never have the pleasure of seeing them again, I will remember the time as a pleasant memory.

Of course, in reality, I know there will be a few people who I rush through my goodbye process. Those people, unfortunately for my soul, are the ones who over the years have made my life a bit more difficult, and continually put me through obligatory meetings which I endure through shortness of breath and gritted teeth. However, even the loss of their presence will somehow affect me to some degree. 

To close, let me explain that goodbyes are also sometimes unexpected and underrated due to extenuating circumstances of children, animals, schedules and miscellaneous chaos. I guess in those moments, we take what we can get. So for those of you who I have ever slighted, or for those in the future that I may inadvertently slight, remember this, “Goodbye, and I miss you already.”